Being Alive

Sometimes at night when I can't sleep,
I like to lie there and just enjoy the notion that I exist.

And I never really enjoy anything.

I like certain things,
And I love a few,
But I don't know how to consciously cherish something,
That I know will be gone one day.
 
How can you even begin to appreciate
Something you've always had,
And know will disappear without notice?

When does appreciation become a desperate cling
To something because of fear of loss,
Rather than for love of the thing itself?

The only way I can truly cherish something,
Be it a person, place or thing,
Is if I lose it,
Then get it back again.

And that cherishing only lasts a few minutes.

But right now, on this night, I can't sleep.
And it isn't because I'm worried or sad or scared.
I just have a bit of extra energy,
Extra life,
That would be a shame to waste.
And somehow, in this moment, I appreciate that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is,
Tonight, I enjoy being alive.